Superman : I can't stand to fly.
Group of people : Then sit to fly.
Superman : I mean I'm scared to fly.
Group of people : Then why are you not afraid about people laughing at you when you wear your underwear outside your pants.
Superman : Oh no (Embarrassed) I want to go home! (Sob!)
Group of people : Then fly to your house . (Laughing) Hahaha!
Superman : I wish that I could cry.
Group of people : What did you say ?
Superman : Nothing ! (Gulp)
Group of people : Then fly ! fly ! fly !
Superman : (Gulp) [Whispered] I'm more than a bird . I'm more than a plane . "I am Superman" [SHOUT]
[Superman jump and fly]
(Superman was too excited that he lose his balance and fell towards a tree . Luckily, his underwear save him as it was stuck at a tree branch .)
[Now, the group of people understands why Superman wears his underwear outside his pants .]
[The Next Day...]
(Everyone wears their underwear outside their pants .)
[Superman was relieved as no ones talk bad about him anymore. He saw a lot of people jumping from a building to do what Superman did yesterday . Although some people died as their underwear does not stuck on the tree brunch, Superman just kept quiet as he did not want his secret to be revealed. Superman knew that it was lucky that his underwear stuck on the tree branch and not because his underwear had super powers . Since that day, he hide away from the crowds .]
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Clothes Stall
Part1
Mr Sim: Hello! Can i help you?
Rubern: Uncle, i want a pair of jeans size S.
Mr Sim: Hold on.... ( Mr Sim took the wrong thing and size....)
Rubern: Uncle wat the heck is this and how come the size is so small.
Mr Sim: Ah boy, this your jeans and you say you want size S.
(Rubern whisper to himself and say wad lousy shop is this.)
At the end rubern never ever want to go to Mr Sim shop.
Mr Sim: Hello! Can i help you?
Rubern: Uncle, i want a pair of jeans size S.
Mr Sim: Hold on.... ( Mr Sim took the wrong thing and size....)
Rubern: Uncle wat the heck is this and how come the size is so small.
Mr Sim: Ah boy, this your jeans and you say you want size S.
(Rubern whisper to himself and say wad lousy shop is this.)
At the end rubern never ever want to go to Mr Sim shop.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Part1: Indian Stall
Mr Singh: May I help you ?
Jason: Yes, Uncle you sell curry ?
Mr Singh: Yes, What type of curry you want ?
Jason: Curry Pork .
Mr Singh: Ok no problem .
(Mr Singh whisper to himself and said "Why chinese can't pronounce karipap properly ? Haiz, I'm irritated hearing the "pork"word . ")
Mr Singh: Okay boy, here you go .
Jason : Uncle me don't want curry pork .(karipap) Me want curry pork .
Mr Singh : Yala karipap la . Only your pronounciation very poor .
Jason : NO ! Not this curry pork (Karipap) Me wan curry pork .
Mr Singh : What's your problem ? That one is Karipap is also known as curry pork for those who can't pronounce Karipap .
Jason : Uncle !!! Me want curry pork . Okay nvm pork curry .
Mr Singh : We don't sell pork .
Jason : How about Curry, got the curry ah, pork Curry ? Have ?
Mr Singh : We don't sell pork curry !
Jason : But just now you said you sell CURRY !!!
Mr Singh : Okay boy, OPEN YOUR EARS BIG BIG, We don't sell anything which got pork . Okay ?
Jason : Say earlier la, waste my time !
Mr Singh : Is you waste my time then still say I waste your time ?!!
Jason : Okay sorry sorry, relax .
(Jason walked away and say...)
Jason : Stupid Uncle .
Mr Singh : Hey boy, I can hear you from here ! Come back here !!!
Jason : Oh, sorry , I mean that uncle . Sitting there behind you .
(Mr Singh turn around and see no one, when he turns back towards the boy, he saw that the boy had run home . )
Mr Singh : AArrgghh!!!!!!
Jason: Yes, Uncle you sell curry ?
Mr Singh: Yes, What type of curry you want ?
Jason: Curry Pork .
Mr Singh: Ok no problem .
(Mr Singh whisper to himself and said "Why chinese can't pronounce karipap properly ? Haiz, I'm irritated hearing the "pork"word . ")
Mr Singh: Okay boy, here you go .
Jason : Uncle me don't want curry pork .(karipap) Me want curry pork .
Mr Singh : Yala karipap la . Only your pronounciation very poor .
Jason : NO ! Not this curry pork (Karipap) Me wan curry pork .
Mr Singh : What's your problem ? That one is Karipap is also known as curry pork for those who can't pronounce Karipap .
Jason : Uncle !!! Me want curry pork . Okay nvm pork curry .
Mr Singh : We don't sell pork .
Jason : How about Curry, got the curry ah, pork Curry ? Have ?
Mr Singh : We don't sell pork curry !
Jason : But just now you said you sell CURRY !!!
Mr Singh : Okay boy, OPEN YOUR EARS BIG BIG, We don't sell anything which got pork . Okay ?
Jason : Say earlier la, waste my time !
Mr Singh : Is you waste my time then still say I waste your time ?!!
Jason : Okay sorry sorry, relax .
(Jason walked away and say...)
Jason : Stupid Uncle .
Mr Singh : Hey boy, I can hear you from here ! Come back here !!!
Jason : Oh, sorry , I mean that uncle . Sitting there behind you .
(Mr Singh turn around and see no one, when he turns back towards the boy, he saw that the boy had run home . )
Mr Singh : AArrgghh!!!!!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Part 1- Part 3 : (Sgt Bob & Sgt Tom) The NS Camp
(Sgt Bob and Sgt Tom hates each other alot . They treat others as if they both were enemies . Many people do not understand why. One day...)
Sgt Tom : Hey Square butt come and help your juniors .
Sgt Bob : Why must I ?
Junior-Hisyam : Sgt Tom, may I ask u a question ?
Sgt Tom : Sure
Junior-Hisyam : (Giggling) Why you call Sgt Bob a square butt ?
Sgt Tom : It's very easy, because his name Bob is a short form of SpongeBob . (Laughing) Hahaha . And SpongeBob have a square butt .
(Sgt Tom and Junior-Hisyam laughed)
Sgt Bob : Hey, you two I can hear you . I'm not deaf you little Tom, go and catch your little mouse ( Jerry) [The story of Tom and Jerry] you big cat !
Sgt Tom : Hey you think we are in LaLaLa Land is it ? Wake up your bloody IDEA you square butt . Hahaha
Sgt Bob : Better than you big cat who was always being chase out by your owner you ANIMAL!
Junior-Hisyam : Relax Sgts, why were you all fighting, rather than fighting, why don't you help your juniors .
Sgt Bob : Why you so extra . You are a junior you shouldn't command us . We are your Sgts.
Sgt Tom : Hey Hisyam ignore your Sgt Bob, now let's help the other juniors.
Junior-Hisyam : Okays .
(Sgt Tom and Hisyam walked to where the other juniors was at and saw that all the juniors have died with their head all flying in the air like flying balls . )
Sgt Tom : Oh my, Look at that . They all had been shoot by an army tank controlled by a junior who just entered this military yesterday .
Junior-Hisyam : Faster, let's chase this FOOL!
Sgt Tom : All right! I'll go and find a tank !
Junior-Hisyam : May I follow ?
Sgt Tom : No you stay here .
(While Sgt Tom was going to find a tank, Hisyam saw an indian guy closing his eyes, lying on the floor breathing without his head flying up like the others.)
Junior-Hisyam : Hey Indian guy are you still alive ?
Indian guy : You pandi (means pig in Indian) can't you see a red dot on my head? I've been shot by that tank and now I'm dead!
Junior-Hisyam : Er, If you're dead, why you still can talk ?
Indian Guy : Because my god doesn't want me, he throw me back to earth when I'm dead .
Junior-Hisyam : Huh ?
Indian Guy : Let me tell you . It was night and me, a malay guy and a chinese guy was dead being shot by the tank . Our god take us up to the sky and we fell down back to earth . But it's not we, it's only me . The malay god and chinese god have take the malay and chinese guy and put them to heaven or hell. But when I ask my God, why he didn't catch me, he said that it's night time and I'm too black so he can't see me . Oh how am I so sad to hear that . He call me black and can't see me because I camoflage during night time ?
Junior-Hisyam : Er I think that red dot on your forehead is not because of you've been shot . It's your religous .
Indian Guy-OH my I forgot, I'm not dead . d[=.="]b I'm just having a shot daydream .
Junior-Hisyam : LOLS!
(Suddenly Sgt Tom came with a tank and stopped the junior who was controlling the other tank .)
Sgt Tom : Hey junior, who command you to use the tank ?
Junior-who drove the tank : It's the Major Dollah sir,
Sgt Tom : Major Dollah ? Oh my .
(Suddenly Major Dollah head flew and drop directly infront of Sgt Tom )
Sgt Tom : (Screamed!) aaah! who's head was that ? Oh my its Major Dollah ! You killed him !
Junior-who drove the tank : I'm sorry, but Major Dollah forced me to drove the tank or he will kill me cock stand ! Thats what he said . I didn't know how to drove it as I just came in yesterday and didn't know anything about how to drove and use the tank functions. So I just followed what he said rather than dying cock stand .
Sgt Tom : Nvm .
(After Major Dollah death, Sgt Tom and Sgt Bob became Major of the military and junior-Hisyam now became Sgt Hisyam, but after a few years, the military had no more new people coming in as Major Tom and Major Bob keep on fighting and all the people there quit . So the government decided to destroy the military and built a HDB Flat there . Major Tom and Major Bob had no more job so they decided to act on a funny movie as they loved to fight
. Now they became famous and popular.)
Sgt Tom : Hey Square butt come and help your juniors .
Sgt Bob : Why must I ?
Junior-Hisyam : Sgt Tom, may I ask u a question ?
Sgt Tom : Sure
Junior-Hisyam : (Giggling) Why you call Sgt Bob a square butt ?
Sgt Tom : It's very easy, because his name Bob is a short form of SpongeBob . (Laughing) Hahaha . And SpongeBob have a square butt .
(Sgt Tom and Junior-Hisyam laughed)
Sgt Bob : Hey, you two I can hear you . I'm not deaf you little Tom, go and catch your little mouse ( Jerry) [The story of Tom and Jerry] you big cat !
Sgt Tom : Hey you think we are in LaLaLa Land is it ? Wake up your bloody IDEA you square butt . Hahaha
Sgt Bob : Better than you big cat who was always being chase out by your owner you ANIMAL!
Junior-Hisyam : Relax Sgts, why were you all fighting, rather than fighting, why don't you help your juniors .
Sgt Bob : Why you so extra . You are a junior you shouldn't command us . We are your Sgts.
Sgt Tom : Hey Hisyam ignore your Sgt Bob, now let's help the other juniors.
Junior-Hisyam : Okays .
(Sgt Tom and Hisyam walked to where the other juniors was at and saw that all the juniors have died with their head all flying in the air like flying balls . )
Sgt Tom : Oh my, Look at that . They all had been shoot by an army tank controlled by a junior who just entered this military yesterday .
Junior-Hisyam : Faster, let's chase this FOOL!
Sgt Tom : All right! I'll go and find a tank !
Junior-Hisyam : May I follow ?
Sgt Tom : No you stay here .
(While Sgt Tom was going to find a tank, Hisyam saw an indian guy closing his eyes, lying on the floor breathing without his head flying up like the others.)
Junior-Hisyam : Hey Indian guy are you still alive ?
Indian guy : You pandi (means pig in Indian) can't you see a red dot on my head? I've been shot by that tank and now I'm dead!
Junior-Hisyam : Er, If you're dead, why you still can talk ?
Indian Guy : Because my god doesn't want me, he throw me back to earth when I'm dead .
Junior-Hisyam : Huh ?
Indian Guy : Let me tell you . It was night and me, a malay guy and a chinese guy was dead being shot by the tank . Our god take us up to the sky and we fell down back to earth . But it's not we, it's only me . The malay god and chinese god have take the malay and chinese guy and put them to heaven or hell. But when I ask my God, why he didn't catch me, he said that it's night time and I'm too black so he can't see me . Oh how am I so sad to hear that . He call me black and can't see me because I camoflage during night time ?
Junior-Hisyam : Er I think that red dot on your forehead is not because of you've been shot . It's your religous .
Indian Guy-OH my I forgot, I'm not dead . d[=.="]b I'm just having a shot daydream .
Junior-Hisyam : LOLS!
(Suddenly Sgt Tom came with a tank and stopped the junior who was controlling the other tank .)
Sgt Tom : Hey junior, who command you to use the tank ?
Junior-who drove the tank : It's the Major Dollah sir,
Sgt Tom : Major Dollah ? Oh my .
(Suddenly Major Dollah head flew and drop directly infront of Sgt Tom )
Sgt Tom : (Screamed!) aaah! who's head was that ? Oh my its Major Dollah ! You killed him !
Junior-who drove the tank : I'm sorry, but Major Dollah forced me to drove the tank or he will kill me cock stand ! Thats what he said . I didn't know how to drove it as I just came in yesterday and didn't know anything about how to drove and use the tank functions. So I just followed what he said rather than dying cock stand .
Sgt Tom : Nvm .
(After Major Dollah death, Sgt Tom and Sgt Bob became Major of the military and junior-Hisyam now became Sgt Hisyam, but after a few years, the military had no more new people coming in as Major Tom and Major Bob keep on fighting and all the people there quit . So the government decided to destroy the military and built a HDB Flat there . Major Tom and Major Bob had no more job so they decided to act on a funny movie as they loved to fight
. Now they became famous and popular.)
Part 3 - School (History of Keng becoming Apek)
Teacher: Keng, don't seat like apek at the market like that, put down your legs, off the table.
Keng: Actually cher, i wash(wish) to be one, they look so cool! just like Pua Chu Kang!
(Whole class laugh)
Teacher: Do you know wat r u talking about?
Keng: Walao cher, you teach me english u also dunnoe, wah, lan la u
Teacher: How dare you talk like that to me!
Keng:Waoh! Bui song is it! Kammade, wan fight is it?
Teacher: Stand outside the classroom!
Keng:Cher u nt happy is it?
Teacher: Nvm, i'll send you to the office.
(At the office)
Priciple: Keng, what did you do to your teacher?
Keng: I nebber do anythong, i just ask her she happy or not?
Priciple: What do you ask her before that?
Keng: Woah, your limbei teach you to be so talkative and busybody is it?
Priciple: I'm talking to you nicely yet you talk to me like that. I'll send you to the dicipline master for canning.
(At the dicipline master office)
Principle: Please cane this kid, he was so rude to all the teachers
Dicipline master: what did he do?
Keng: Nothing, just ask whether my teacher happy anot and ask the priciple what his limbei teach him. Like tat rong meh?
Priciple: Can you please dun disturb our talk!
Keng:Woah, so angry seyh, hahahah!(laughing)
Dicipline Master: Keng! where's your respect!
Keng: Where you wan?
Dicipline Master: You better watch you mouth! Principle I know what to do!
(Principle walk off)
Dicipline Master: Tomorrow I'll give you canning!
Keng: Cane lah! I not scared! Blekk!
(THE NEXT DAY)
Dicipline master: Keng on the stage, I'll give you 3 strokes!
(Keng walk like gangster!)
(First stroke!)
Keng: Woah, I so...
2nd stroke
Keng:so sibei...
3rd stroke
Keng: Sibei song ah!!!!!
Then keng say to the dicipline master...
Keng: Hahaha no pain at old!
Dicipline master: Keep your mouth shut!
(Keng took out thick cardboard from his pants and laugh)
Keng: Hahahah!
Dicipline master: Huh?
Keng quickly ran out of the school!
Dicipline master: Keng!!!!(Extremely angry!)
(The next day Keng parents receive a letter)
Keng's mother: What, you kana expel from school..
Keng's father: What!( Have heart attack and die)
(Keng's mother was shocked and also die)
(Keng was still playing Pua Chu Kang latest game!)
(After Keng had no one by his side, he live alone, he had no future! That's how he become Apek at the Market!)
Keng: Actually cher, i wash(wish) to be one, they look so cool! just like Pua Chu Kang!
(Whole class laugh)
Teacher: Do you know wat r u talking about?
Keng: Walao cher, you teach me english u also dunnoe, wah, lan la u
Teacher: How dare you talk like that to me!
Keng:Waoh! Bui song is it! Kammade, wan fight is it?
Teacher: Stand outside the classroom!
Keng:Cher u nt happy is it?
Teacher: Nvm, i'll send you to the office.
(At the office)
Priciple: Keng, what did you do to your teacher?
Keng: I nebber do anythong, i just ask her she happy or not?
Priciple: What do you ask her before that?
Keng: Woah, your limbei teach you to be so talkative and busybody is it?
Priciple: I'm talking to you nicely yet you talk to me like that. I'll send you to the dicipline master for canning.
(At the dicipline master office)
Principle: Please cane this kid, he was so rude to all the teachers
Dicipline master: what did he do?
Keng: Nothing, just ask whether my teacher happy anot and ask the priciple what his limbei teach him. Like tat rong meh?
Priciple: Can you please dun disturb our talk!
Keng:Woah, so angry seyh, hahahah!(laughing)
Dicipline Master: Keng! where's your respect!
Keng: Where you wan?
Dicipline Master: You better watch you mouth! Principle I know what to do!
(Principle walk off)
Dicipline Master: Tomorrow I'll give you canning!
Keng: Cane lah! I not scared! Blekk!
(THE NEXT DAY)
Dicipline master: Keng on the stage, I'll give you 3 strokes!
(Keng walk like gangster!)
(First stroke!)
Keng: Woah, I so...
2nd stroke
Keng:so sibei...
3rd stroke
Keng: Sibei song ah!!!!!
Then keng say to the dicipline master...
Keng: Hahaha no pain at old!
Dicipline master: Keep your mouth shut!
(Keng took out thick cardboard from his pants and laugh)
Keng: Hahahah!
Dicipline master: Huh?
Keng quickly ran out of the school!
Dicipline master: Keng!!!!(Extremely angry!)
(The next day Keng parents receive a letter)
Keng's mother: What, you kana expel from school..
Keng's father: What!( Have heart attack and die)
(Keng's mother was shocked and also die)
(Keng was still playing Pua Chu Kang latest game!)
(After Keng had no one by his side, he live alone, he had no future! That's how he become Apek at the Market!)
Part 2 - When the Apek go NS !
Boss: keng(apek's name) you partner with luqman
Keng: Ok, no plolem.
Luqman: Hi, nice to be partner with you..
Keng: What toking you, i dun understand english, i speak hokkien,
Luqman: but i dun understand hokkien, i speak english,
Keng: Nvm lah, i teach u hokkien,
(3 months later, luqman can speak hokkien but keng can't speak english)
Boss: Tonight we have training, I will select a person and he must say (enemy behind tree) then everyone shoot.
(Night Time)
Boss:Keng you become the commander.
Keng: Easy la boss!
Keng: Cadets, animal behind tree
Luqman was scared as keng say rongly so he did not shoot.
Boss: where got animal! where! you tell me.. It's enemy.
Keng: coli boss, coli! (coli in malay means bra) (Actually he wanted to say sorry but his pronouncation is very poor .)
Boss: You call me coli somemore, you go out and do 1000 pumping in 15 minutes!
Keng:???
Keng: Ok, no plolem.
Luqman: Hi, nice to be partner with you..
Keng: What toking you, i dun understand english, i speak hokkien,
Luqman: but i dun understand hokkien, i speak english,
Keng: Nvm lah, i teach u hokkien,
(3 months later, luqman can speak hokkien but keng can't speak english)
Boss: Tonight we have training, I will select a person and he must say (enemy behind tree) then everyone shoot.
(Night Time)
Boss:Keng you become the commander.
Keng: Easy la boss!
Keng: Cadets, animal behind tree
Luqman was scared as keng say rongly so he did not shoot.
Boss: where got animal! where! you tell me.. It's enemy.
Keng: coli boss, coli! (coli in malay means bra) (Actually he wanted to say sorry but his pronouncation is very poor .)
Boss: You call me coli somemore, you go out and do 1000 pumping in 15 minutes!
Keng:???
Part 1 - Market
Apek: Lai, lai, cheap cheap, gt offer!!
Passerby: Er, apek ah, you selling what?
Apek: What you want?
Passerby: Huh?
Apek: I joking oni la..
Passerby: Ouh
Apek: This one ah, the durian, very cheap, 1 for $1..
Passerby: Erm, I don't eat durian, how about mangosteen?
Apek: Very ex-
Passerby: ex?
Apek: yala..
Passerby: I mean how much is it?
Apek: How much you want?
Passerby: Huh?
Apek: Why you always huh ah?
Passerby: Huh?
Apek: How many kilo you want?
Passerby: I don't want to add kilo i want mangosteen!
Apek: Wa takley tahan, lu mau brapa mangosteen?
Passerby: Huh, Ni chiang se mor?
Apek: Wa, not speaking mandarin, wa speaking hokkien.
Passerby: Hokien, wa pu che tao hokkien..
Apek: huh? wa, your mandarin very poor(pro) my hokkien more power..
Passerby: You gt sell me hokkien ah?
Apek: I where got sell you hokien?
Passerby: Huh, never mind la Apek, talk to you very hard! Bye
Apek: wa, a..lampa chao chi kopek Bye.. see u next time.
Passerby: Er, apek ah, you selling what?
Apek: What you want?
Passerby: Huh?
Apek: I joking oni la..
Passerby: Ouh
Apek: This one ah, the durian, very cheap, 1 for $1..
Passerby: Erm, I don't eat durian, how about mangosteen?
Apek: Very ex-
Passerby: ex?
Apek: yala..
Passerby: I mean how much is it?
Apek: How much you want?
Passerby: Huh?
Apek: Why you always huh ah?
Passerby: Huh?
Apek: How many kilo you want?
Passerby: I don't want to add kilo i want mangosteen!
Apek: Wa takley tahan, lu mau brapa mangosteen?
Passerby: Huh, Ni chiang se mor?
Apek: Wa, not speaking mandarin, wa speaking hokkien.
Passerby: Hokien, wa pu che tao hokkien..
Apek: huh? wa, your mandarin very poor(pro) my hokkien more power..
Passerby: You gt sell me hokkien ah?
Apek: I where got sell you hokien?
Passerby: Huh, never mind la Apek, talk to you very hard! Bye
Apek: wa, a..lampa chao chi kopek Bye.. see u next time.
Introduction
Hello readers, I know most of you are lazy to read . But TODAY, I am going to make your eyes addicted to my words . You will be addicted to reading and your day will be full of laughter after reading this blog .
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